sad turn..

You wake up one morning with a heavy heart. You look around and feel that something is missing as if it can never be found. And you knew your life has taken a turn, a sad turn. You are so scared to look at the other side of the bed knowing he is no longer there. The morning smile and hug are now nothing but clear memories. The vivid picture of how it ended is something your mind is trying to block. Somehow you don’t want to believe that it is really over. You don’t want to accept that you have pushed him to the edge of no return. His scent lingers that you want to cry and beg him to come back but you know better than to do just that. And so you try to start your life alone and never really realized you haven’t been alone for long. Starting all over is so much of a pain to bear. Everywhere you look it’s as if he is there bringing that latte you so crave or that pizza you just saw in the net. You don’t want to go home after work to a dark house remembering how dinner used to smell as you walk in and how that “Hon I’m home” automatically form out of your lips. And how your ears have been used to “so, how was your day?” as he mindlessly scoops your face and plants a kiss on your lips. You wonder how you could have taken all of that for granted. How those gestures seem so usual that you missed their real meaning. If only you could go back to those times, you promise yourself you would do better. Now there is nothing left to do but go on with life as if freedom is something you welcome so eagerly. Now you wake up each morning wishing you haven’t woken up at all.